Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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