the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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