so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize