Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
