so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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