Acid is not a monday night drug
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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