My Higher Power is John Stamos
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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