Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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