he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
