we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
