They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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