I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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