So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
