i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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