im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
