spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
