no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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