i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
