Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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