Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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