We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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