He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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