I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
