Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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