I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
