my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you traded sex for a burrito?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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