Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
