I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
