I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
