I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize