Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
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