just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
