Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
