my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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