Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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