remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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