Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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