not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
