In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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