Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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