Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
