this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize