I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
