Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
