I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
