Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
