This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
