I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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