Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
