every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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