Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
