i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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