There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
