Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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