Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
