wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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