Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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