I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Holy sore nipples Batman
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
