Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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