so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
