my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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