The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
