I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
