There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
cat food counts as protein by the way
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
