I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
