Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
