I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize