Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
