my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You can't just leave with hair like that
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
