It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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