i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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