a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
